I walked into the room with C and I was totally overwhelmed. It was real quite and there were lots of guys, and a few gals. The CLRB winter party was not exactly the kind of space you could sneak into unnoticed. Not that I ever really go unnoticed, 6'4 in heels, I'm not sure any of those people see that very often.
I've read on TER that there are T-Girl parties in LA, Chicago, and New York. No such luck here in Portland. As it stands, I have put a lot of time and effort into making a presence on the local hobby boards that are most active, namely Craigs List Review Board and Hottie Tottie. In the year and a half that I have been using these web boards, I am the only TS girl to actively take part. Maybe the only one ever (here in Pdx) to actively take part. And I have never quite learned how to navigate these worlds comfortably without stepping on peoples homophobic toes. The Holiday CLRB party was no exception.
So there I found myself, in a room full of people, who for the most part seemed pretty cool. Everyone was laughing, flirting, joking, making merry. And I felt shy, and shy is not a trait one would associate with my character. I couldn't really flirt with anyone (save for the few people I knew beforehand) and that was kind of the purpose of the whole darn thing. In general the local boards are wierd for me in that way. I'm a provider, but I cannot come on to any of the guys, lest they get freaked out and (god forbid) do something drastic. Instead I provide good discrete service to those who come my way, but I never quite join in any reindeer games (so to speak).
Sigh, its all very limiting. Maybe someday there will be more girls like me here in town, and we can have our own parties. Or maybe it will make more sense as I get to know people.
Comments
doc:
Damn, Mandy - I am sorry I missed the party (and you.) Not cool that you felt shy - can't see it myself, which in and of itself would have been worth the price of admission. Next time there's an event, give me a shout out - I'd be proud to have you flirt with me, hon.
morgan:
fuck, I would have gone with you. Maybe we SHOULD have our own party.. There are actually a lot more of us then people think in portland. We really should get together for coffee one of these days..
xo
